However, once they uncovered and started to address the relationship between all aspects of their addiction, their lives generally took an upturn. Even those attending NA and CMA meetings regularly tended to relapse relatively regularly. Until they addressed their entire addiction – meth, sexual behavior, and video chat – they could not stay sober and their lives continued to disintegrate.So video chat was a way to meet both sides of that need.” They said things like: “I really needed to be around someone to validate what I was doing, but I’ve always been afraid to get too close to anybody. If you don’t know another person’s name, or even where he lives, how can he hurt you? Yet, because everyone is in the chat room to use meth and masturbate, there’s a much-desired sense of connection. The internet provided a buffer that let them become vulnerable with others – but never to the point where they might be hurt either physically or (more importantly) emotionally. Most of the men who spoke to Rob, David, and Terry said they hardly ever had in-person sexual encounters. The video chat element of chemsex behavior provides a sense of bonding and community, while also letting users feel safe and anonymous. Now I think compulsive online sex might be my primary addiction, or at least as much of a problem as the meth.” When my NA sponsor asked me if I ever use alone, just to get high, I said no. These men said things like: “Ninety-nine percent of the time I use crystal meth I’m online in front of the computer, in my bedroom, by myself. Many had tried multiple times to get sober from meth, only to have their desire for feelings of connection and sexual intensity drive them into relapse. They also undervalued the powerful pull of the sexual intensity they experienced in these sessions. They ignored the allure of feeling ‘part of’ that video chat, especially group video chat, gave them. Routinely, these men thought that if they addressed their drug use, that alone would fix their issues. When their lives started to fall apart, they thought meth was the sole problem. Numerous individuals shared their personal stories of mixing video chat with chemsex with Rob, David, and Terry both during and after the event, with a variety of commonalities in what they said – regardless of whether they were mixing video chat and chemsex one-on-one or in a group chat room. One issue their audience brought up, and an issue that all three experts said they were increasingly encountering in their work, was the role that video chat plays in these behaviors. David Fawcett, and therapist Terry Gatewood – renowned specialists in sex addiction and fused substance use and sexual behaviors – spoke about the rising use of methamphetamine in conjunction with sexual behaviors (aka, chemsex). So video chat is a really awesome sci-fi invention come to life that benefits us all. Also, on TV Captain Kirk uses it when he’s conversing with alien warlords. It’s what kids do on their iPhones, right? And they taught grandma how to do it last Christmas so she can see them at the holidays instead of just talking to them. The term ‘video chat’ sounds relatively innocuous.
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